Wednesday, March 26, 2014

Causing your own anxiety

I am so skilled at causing my own anxiety.  I work myself up into a frenzy of what I am afraid might happen.  It is a talent, really.  The nice thing is that usually most of the things do not happen.  Occasionally, some do.  But one can either choose to be crippled by their bad moments, or choose to be a phoenix that rises from the ashes, as one friend once told me he viewed me during my current trials.  I am in good company.  JK Rowling has said that Harry Potter was born out of desperation, she had seemingly failed at everything else, so she had no option but to write what she had in her heart and her head.  Here are a few things I have worried about over the years that have happened and yet I got over it, or have happened and I am better off for it.

1. I was always afraid of losing a job.  Yep, done that.  Still lived.
2.  I was always afraid of being alone.  Done that, doing that at times.  Still lived.
3.  I was always and am still always worried about failing.  Fail all the time.  Still living.
4.  I was always afraid to say what I thought.  Often times I kept silent when I shouldn't have.  Some of the struggles I have now are a direct result of me keeping silent when I should have spoken up.
5.  I was always afraid of not being attractive.  Guess what? Beauty fades, but how people are treated, they remember that.
6.  I am always, always afraid I will not do enough for my kids.  But my parents were not perfect and I still love them.  So that should be what counts.
7. I am afraid of getting diabetes.  Have not gotten over that, or learned to handle it.  Still terrifies me.
8.  I am afraid of not feeling useful.
9. I used to be afraid of not being able to support myself.  So far, I have done okay.  Still get afraid sometimes.

Fear is such a strong emotion.  For some, it can be a motivator.  For me, I have found it to be a deterrent to progress. I am currently working on how to get past my fears so that I can still be strong and successful.  I have come a long way, but yet have so far yet to go.  

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