Proud

Growing up pride was sometimes a negative word.  Don't be too prideful.  You hear that at church all the time.  Well, throughout the years, while sure I have had my moments of pride struggles, I can easily say that there is a much more difficult struggle for myself and others I know and love, and that is never being proud of ourselves.  Never feeling good enough.  Never measuring up.  Well tonight, I put together a desk all by myself, just like I did a toddler bed several months back, a chair, a couch, and a toy kitchen.  I know for some that is not a big feat, but for me it has been epic.  I have been used to asking and or begging help from others, and I could still easily do so now, but it feels infinitely better that even if I did not do it perfectly, I did it.  On a day that was stressful, frustrating, and upsetting, I did it.  So, on that note, I will take this time to talk about things that truly have made me proud.

1. The day I gave birth to each of my daughters.

2. The day I decided to get out of bed and continue living after a miscarriage.

3. The day I decided to continue on after failing at a job and being betrayed by people I thought friends.  

4. The day I had a bone marrow biopsy 19 weeks pregnant without meds all alone and did not scream or even cry. 

5. The day I moved to New York. 

6.  The day I moved to Chicago. 

7. The reason I chose to come back from Chicago.  

8. The day I graduated with my Masters degree.

9. The first time I taught a college course.

10.  The day I decided I deserved to be treated better.  

11.  The day I decided I am good enough alone, just me, and no one has a right to tell me any less. 

12.  The first time I wrote a theatre review.

13.  The first time one of my reviews was quoted in another publication.  

14. Every time my children tell me they love me. 

15. Every day that I wake up, and live another day to its fullest.

16. Every time a friend or loved one thanks me for not judging them.  

17.  The day I decided to go on a mission. 

18.  The person I was when I came home. 

19.  The person I am today.

20.  The people my children are becoming.

It's okay to be proud.  Really it is.  You all are amazing.